Monday, 20 January 2014

Patience! Where can I buy some!

Lack of patience is my bête noire as any old friend of mine would tell you. Ir doesn't always arise - this irritable streak - I have endless patience with my therapy clients for instance and not through struggling - it is easy. But with my lovers, children, dogs, - not so much. I am very impatient with the black beast today. That was a word play as bête noire means black beast in French! Yes, I'm afraid I am dreadfully put out by Bella. Today's adventure went thusly:

It is cold out - only -17 but blustery, snowy and grey. Bella still needs her walk and so do I. I decide I will try the snowshoes (the modern ones not my glorious traditional ones but ones that have bindings. Bindings! Arggh. I did them up in the house - well, in the front porch and on carpet strips so they wouldn't hurt anything. I got them on and the dog on her lead (more bindings) and out we went - out through the yard to the beach, which is so snow swept it is impassable without snowshoes. All fine. I still have to stop every few feet when Bella surges (that's the technique that I'm trying to stick to - just stopping dead until she realizes she ain't moving and comes back to my side). We are heading down the bay with the land to our left - I know that it is too cold for me to get all the way to the spot where I can let her go - just isn't going to happen. Then my foot falls out of the binding and I have to hold the leash and fasten it up without my mitts on - brrr and grrr.  Get it back and go a little further but it does it again and I can't quite get it done up. I feel this fury sweep through me that I recall from trying to get toddlers dressed when it is freezing out only to have to do it in reverse moments later - buckles, bindings, latches - all stupid frustrating pieces of shite!

Bella is being fairly good - still surging but then remembering and I know she'll be unhappy when we turn back but I'm getting too cold - no photo possibilities (more straps and things to fumble with) - I take a couple just to say I was there - and we start walking back. She is digging and trying to have fun - poor thing - and I'm grimly moving through the landscape. For those of you who might meditate you'll recognize the feeling - you are sitting and appear to be doing it, but inside - struggling and losing it.

I don't know what caused Bella to run side-wise through the thick snow but she did, and at such an angle and at such a jolt that I tipped over. At which point she ran to me and jumped on my head.

Any tiny lick of patience? Gone.

Here's a photo of Bella seen through my haze of fury - actually - of course - that is a blatant lie. I took this photo before being jerked off my feet - after she did that it was not very long before we were in the house - I can really move when motivated.

Now she is pretending nothing happened, sleeping not too far from where I am sitting, wondering no doubt what the frig is the matter with that woman?!

For my penance I will vacuum the downstairs - which I was going to do anyway but now I will do it in penance with a castdown look on my face.While my bête noire  looks on.


  1. Here's where Bella tells her side of the story -

  2. Jan - I'm sorry you had that moment with Bella. I always hate it when I lose my patience too. But I so admire you for making it a Buddha and learning from it. And I know Bella loves you muchly.